Tips for dating after divorce

It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your relationship history is, first dates are nerve-wracking.Give yourself a pre-date pep talk, reminding yourself of the great qualities you have to offer. You might hear yourself saying the wrong things, or holding back in fear. Be patient, both with your dates and with yourself.Do you understand what went wrong in your last relationship? Can you identify what a healthy relationship needs to look like for you?Give yourself the freedom of a little time and make sure your past is firmly in the past, along with the infamous “bitterness baggage,” before giving love a second chance. No, you don’t have to make every date a group date; just make sure you have good friends in your corner. Let the people nearest and dearest to you encourage and support you as you dive back into the dating game. Take a new class, get a new haircut, and eat healthier than ever.

Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of .

That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try.

Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed," which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

If this is where you find yourself right now here’s what I learned about dating after divorce – things I came to realise and things I’d recommend if you’re feeling unsure or even terrified. Have a clear idea of what you want from online dating – Are you looking for a new partner or for someone to go on occasional dates with? If you’re looking for long-term commitment, there’s no point in falling for someone who’s looking for a quick fling. This isn’t about a long shopping list of requirements but it’s worth getting some sense of what you hold dear. Write a great online profile – Spend time writing a great profile that stands out from the crowd, with as few clichés as possible. If you have a heavy and disillusioned heart with negative inner dialogue, it’s not the right time to be looking for a mate. Be open-minded – you never know who you might meet if you can finally avoid looking for or dating what you believe to be ‘your type’. Last but not least, remember to enjoy yourself, have fun and lighten up.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic events we go through, and when we reach the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel," many of us feel that little spring in our step and start to think about dating again.

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