I created my free newsletter because I was tired of seeing great women struggle unnecessarily in love.Throughout my life, I watched my sisters and my friends spend endless hours trying to figure out what was going on in a man’s head – and why they had such a hard time finding and keeping a truly amazing relationship. I have a good friend who hasn't had a girlfriend in the ten years that I've known him.He and I talk a lot about sex and relationships, and half of the time, he cannot keep a straight face, almost like a teenager, embarrassed by our honest, mature conversations.And we begin to wonder if we’re actually ready to commit to something more serious. The fear of commitment has always been a guy thing, but in no way is it an exclusive guy thing.[Read: How men really fall in love – The seven stages of love for men] Women are just as prone to being afraid to commit as men.
Commitment is a logical construct, it’s a mental creation, it’s a future projection you create in your head based on theoretical assumptions, and you’re not afraid of logic. Are you going to be able to do what you want, when you want to? You know she’s going to be on you back, demanding that you take out the rubbish, wear pants, take the 3 month old half eaten pizza off the table and put it in the bin. Your fear of commitment isn’t actually a fear of commitment.
You know she deserves a bigger commitment from you, but you don’t feel like you can give it to her… It slyly creeps in the side door like a 15 year old at am, coming home from a party that he wasn’t supposed to be at in the first place, and before you realise it, it has you in it’s nasty grasp. Because, and you might not realise this, you’re not actually afraid of commitment.
Fear of commitment has ruined more potentially rewarding and fulfilling relationships than the combined total of famine, war, Wrestle-mania, Jersey Shore, Monday Night Football, and her hot best friend*. It’s has simple, easy, and obvious solution once you think about it. The first step is overcoming your fear of commitment is working out what you’re actually afraid of.
He is afraid of relationships for very different reasons than I've ever been. I guess we have all been reluctant to trust others at some time in our lives. I surmised that he went for the less attractive girls to boost his self-esteem so he wouldn't get rejected. He admitted he would give girls his number despite having no intention of ever following up, except perhaps for sex.
Historically, I've been afraid of losing my independence or yielding to someone who takes the relationship and me for granted too soon. His fear of commitment is actually a fear of rejection.